Desperate day ramblings

I'm having a desperate day today. I don't know how better to explain it than to say that I'm completely overwhelmed, depressed, stressed out, and on the brink of tears every five seconds. I don't know why I let my problems consume me. There's not a a lot I can do about them today. But for some reason here I am worrying and worrying. Why can't I just let it go and give it to God, why do I have to go through this stupid day! And why am I letting life get me down so much. Maybe it's the holidays, maybe it's having the kids home from school and dealing with all the fighting and messes. I wish I could snap my fingers and everything would be alright. I would feel happy and calm.

I need to get a job, not easy to do in this town and not easy to do with a baby who cry's hysterically every time I leave him with Toby. He's a stinker and Toby doesn't want me to get a job because then he'll be left with 3 stinkers and a hysterical baby. But it might just have to happen and he might just have to deal with it.

Okay, I know I sound like the baby now sitting on a pity pot but I think just getting it out of my mind and in writing will help. I'm grateful for what I have, I am, but then life just gets in the way and feelings overwhelm me. Please Heavenly Father take it from me and let me have peace today so I can be a good mother and wife, let me get through this day with a smile on my face. This is my prayer, my desperate day ramblings prayer. Amen!

Christmas 2009

Just thought I'd post these cute pictures. I've got lots to say but that will be a different post. MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Bikes, dogs, and babies!

Uncle Aaron owns one of Kaya and Titan's puppies.

He is really adorable.  We love his markings.

Titan and Paps or father and son!!

All ready to go mom!

Leland is in love with his bike.  We took him to the 

skate park a while ago and now it's all he wants to

do.  We have to drag him away kicking and screaming.

Owen has fun too.  He's a little timid but with time

He'll be catching some air!

What can I say about Miranda, she's just one of the 

boys.  She has just as much fun but gets cold way 

too fast because, let's face it, she really is a girl!

We were actually really shocked at how well Leland

does on the ramps.  He's such a brick but when he's 

on his bike he seems so light and agile.  It's great!

Luckily we got out early enough today before it 

started snowing.  I'm hating the changing seasons 

this year and just really want to be back in California.

I'm finding the more I'm outside in the sun, the better

I feel and that goes for the kiddos too.  Oh well, goodbye 

sun hello snow and grey clouds.  I'm just glad my brother-

in- law works up at Brian Head.  Free tubing.  Maybe I'll 

actually snowboard this year.  (ya right!!)

Owen's happy 5!!!

Happy Birthday Owie!!

This is the typical Owen, always goofing off.

That would be a penny lodged in his two year old throat!!

He used to have cute teeth before bottle rot!

6 weeks old in the hospital with a fever and still smiling!!

First smile was when he was one day old!

My sweet little Owen turned five yesterday.  I am truly grateful for a child like him.  He has so much passion for life.  It's all about fun for this kid.  From the time he was born, he has always been happy and smiley and always goofy.  It's hard to find a normal picture of Owen, usually he's doing some crazy face or position with his skinny little body.  He's been put to sleep and stuck with needles more than anyone in this house and yet he has remained my most content child.  I wish every baby could be like him.  He would go to anyone at any time and was happy just to sit in his bouncer or car seat.  He used to shower me with kisses when he got sleepy and would be half asleep still giving me kisses.   Happy five Owie!  We love you.

Sweet Smiles

It seemed to take a little while to get this kid to smile, but now he gives 'em out all the time.  His favorite thing to smile at of course are the ceiling fans.  Mama comes in second!

He is gaining weight pretty good now that I'm doing formula along with nursing but sometimes he does not have the patience to nurse and we have to go right to the bottle.  I hope he can hold out at least for 2 more months, I know those antibodies from breastmilk will help him through this flu season.  We'll see, all I can say is that I did my best!

Leland's Happy 7!!!

Leland turned 7 yesterday, again this growing up thing is just happening way too fast for me.  

Leland, you are such a sweetie poo!  You have never been jealous of your two younger brothers and have loved them so adoringly since they were born.  Although you are extremely shy and quiet, you are very smart!!  No one would guess how well you do in school because you're so quiet about it.  Your dad and I are very proud of you and love you so much. Happy Happy 7!!!

Miranda's 9!!!

Where does the time go?  It seems like just yesterday I was changing Miranda's diapers!  Now she's already nine!  It just fly's by too fast for me.

Miss Randy Pandy, or Nanny Pan, or Randa Roo, (yes those are her pet names) is our little princess.  The only girl yet plenty of girl for both Tob and me.  

It took us a year to get pregnant with you, Miranda, and it was well worth the wait!  You have been our pride and joy.  You seem to do well in just about anything you put your mind and heart into.  You are a great big sister and always think about others feelings.  I really don't know what I would do without you because you are the biggest helper!  Daddy and I love you so much.  Thank you for being you!!  Happy Nine!!!!!

Sleep Please!!!!!!!!!

Liam is two weeks old today.  It's already going by way too fast for me and I don't know if that's good or bad.  Yes, it would be nice to not have to wake up every two hours to feed and change poop, but there is just something so peaceful about this newborn stage.  They are just so innocent and helpless.  I fall in love again and again as the day goes by!!  Pretty soon my days won't be a blur and I'll be able to get good sleep and Liam will grow and grow faster than ever. So for now I will just cherish these moments with my little bundle because tomorrow he'll be a day older!